I read somewhere that most people are more afraid of spiders than death. This is definitely true for me. I don’t know what it is about them, but all I have to do is look at one and I get chills. I immediately envision it growing to 100 times it’s size and watch it slowly move toward me, sizing me up, waiting to pounce. I thought our days of creepy crawlies were behind us when we moved to Nashville since our house is brand new. New houses don’t have spiders, right? Think again! Unfortunately, there is an entry point somewhere at the foot of our stairs, also known as “spider alley”. I don’t know how many times I have been walking past that area and seen some of ghastly creature lumbering through my house. Of course, it always seems to happen when Dayven is out of town so I have no reinforcement whatsoever.For me personally, the best form of attack is to douse them with cleaning products. It seems to be an effective method and doesn’t require you to get too close. The most effective I have found is extra strength Lysol. I have also used scrubbing bubbles, flexible hold hairspray and in a pinch, ocean breeze scented-Glade. All have varying degrees of pain-infliction and time frame of suffering before death. Trust me, Lysol is best. Hair spray is the worst because while the stickiness may slow them down, there really isn’t much poison factor. My dad prefers to use the “catch and release” method. He scoops the creature up in his bare hands (yes people, his BARE HANDS!), goes outside and throws it over the balcony. I guess he isn’t worried about it surviving the 10-foot drop.
There are times when you must employ the old fashioned method…the shoe. Now, be very careful when using the shoe method. If you get a sprightly one, you’re in trouble. I was walking past spider alley, when I noticed one making its way across the carpet, toward where Wyatt was playing on the floor with his toys. I had to act fast so without thinking too much, I quickly grabbed my flip-flop and smacked it. WHACK! It appeared stunned for a few seconds. I paused…no wait…It’s still moving! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Ok, I’m pretty sure it’s dead. Then comes the hard part. I scooped up the flattened slimy remains with a tissue and headed toward the toilet for the final step in the disposal process. I was a little afraid that it might come back alive in the tissue on the way to be flushed, but I made it safely.
Recently, I walked into my bathroom to brush my teeth before bed when I noticed a large hairy object lounging in my shower. I immediately felt that sick feeling in my stomach. At first, I just turned the shower on, thinking I could wash him down the drain, but he was strong and he hung tight. With his long, hairy legs tightly gripping the shower floor, he started making his way toward the glass door as the water pelted him. All the steam from the shower was fogging the door and blocking my view so I had to implement plan B. I quickly grabbed the Clorox spray and ripped open the shower door, prepared to face my enemy. I turned off the water and began pumping as fast as my fingers could go. He became covered in white foam and began moving slower and slower. It took a while and I probably used half a bottle, but he finally succumbed. I stood frozen, watching as he coughed and sputtered his last breath. I then raced to the kitchen to get a water pitcher, afraid he may spring back to life for one final round, like the villain in a horror movie. When I came back, he was still there, curled up in his deadly foam bath. I filled the pitcher and splashed the water over him in an attempt to wash him down to the depths of the sewer. He was so large, it took several tries to maneuver his crumpled carcass down the drain, but he was finally gone. Now I could try to get some sleep…after checking under my covers to make sure his friends weren’t waiting for me, ready to exact their revenge. I relayed the story of my encounter with the 8-legged beast to Dayven when he returned from his business trip. After rehashing every gory detail, his first question to me was “Did you at least clean the shower while you were in there with the Clorox?” Unbelievable.
Not too long ago, we looked out our back window and saw our neighbor wrestling with something in the bushes. He was cursing and jumping up and down, waving his arms like a mad
man. We thought he had either gone insane, or was possibly trying to capture a rabid squirrel. When Dayven asked him later what was going on, he said he was trying to kill the largest spider he had ever seen in his whole life and it was not going down without a fight. Must have been a relative of my shower buddy.Yes, my friends, I think it is time to call pest control. Otherwise, I’m planning to order this handy little item, the "Bug Buster"(pictured left), to help in my creature fighting efforts. I’m also deathly afraid of cockroaches, especially ones that fly. They’ve shown up at our house everywhere from the mailbox to Dayven’s gym shorts, but I won’t go into that now. I have enough stories for the roaches to have their own post. Stay tuned…
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