Just a mom...

As a wife, I was a winner,

in the business world, a pearl

Successful in  every endeavor,

a most self-confident girl.

The Lord looked down from Heaven,

observed my complacency,

said to himself, "She's not humble enough."

and made a mother of me.

- Majorie N Allen

I remember those early days of being a new mom. Wyatt was not an easy kid. He was terribly colicky. He cried incessantly and never seemed to be satisfied. I was exhausted from sleep deprivation, frustrated to my wits end and probably a little sad that the whole experience was less rosy than I had imagined. Wyatt also had an awful brace strapped to his legs that he wore 24 hours a day, which probably contributed to his overall grumpy demeanor. We finally figured out he had acid reflux and a milk protein allergy. Eliminating dairy from my diet and pumping him full of Prevacid did wonders for his mood, but still I didn't have many outings in the beginning for fear that he wake from his slumber and a screaming fit would begin. Picture me leaving a cart full of groceries in the middle of Publix while I fled for the car, or Dayven and I taking turns eating alone in a restaurant while the other one tried to console a crying baby in the parking lot because Wyatt had a meltdown just as the food arrived. Now I really don't care if my kid cries in public, it has happened to me many times. But as a new mom, it's the kind of thing that you feel horribly embarrassed and apologetic about.

It wasn't as if I didn't enjoy being a mom. I loved Wyatt with all my heart, it's just a big adjustment that takes some getting used to. People always say "being a mom is sooo hard" but what they don't tell you is that sometimes, it's not really hard, just boring. Every day is much the same as the last. My days were 

consumed with changing diapers, doing laundry, washing bottles, pumping, obsessing about nap and feeding schedules, doing more laundry. I was desperate for adult conversation, interaction with the outside world, a hobby, some small reminder of my former life. Dayven had been interacting with the world all day and once he got home, he was desperate to check out. Not a good mix. I joined a mom's group to give me a social outlet and while the girls were wonderful, I still felt something was lacking. The conversations inevitably revolved around comparisons of who had gotten up the most times the night before, tips on how to combat diaper rash, introducing solids and which strollers were best. Helpful advice? Sometimes. Intellectually stimulating? Not so much.

All the exhaustion and angst is a distant memory now. Wyatt is an incredibly happy kid and he is always laughing, squealing and smiling. I love to hear him happily singing at the top of his lungs, off key, then enthusiastically praise himself when he's done "Good seen-ging Wy!" He finds joy and excitement in everything he does. His big beaming smile brightens my day and his little voice melts my heart. I love how his whole face lights up when he sees me and he yells "mommy!" He is the joy of my life.

Recently someone asked me if I had a job and I quickly said "No, I'm just a mom". I realized I had said it with a tone that actually meant I'm no one special. Disregard me. I'm unimportant. As a mom, my day often includes menial tasks that seem to go unnoticed - folding laundry, making dinner, straightening up the house, putting toys away. I play cars on the floor, read stories, go to the grocery store and run errands. There are days when I feel like most of my time in spent in the kitchen - preparing meals, serving meals, cleaning up meals, planning for the next meal. But I know it's all part of the process to make sure my home runs smoothly. My family is well fed, loved and cared for and my home is a place of solace and peace.

There's a wonderful article, called The Invisible Woman, written by Nicole Johnson. She talks about how as a mom, she often feels invisible, just serving as a taxi service, short order cook, a housekeeper, a seamstress, a laundry service... Her friend gives her a book about the great cathedrals of Europe and how builders lovingly devote their entire lives tirelessly to their creation - ensuring that every detail is in place. When asked why they take so much care in details that no one will notice, the builders reply "because God sees." The author of the article notes that as mothers, it's like we're building these great cathedrals. We won't be around to see the final product, but God knows of and appreciates our sacrifices and the gift that we leave behind for the world is priceless. Although we may not be given "credit" for our work, we can feel good knowing that we lovingly poured our heart and soul into the project and we've left behind a beautiful legacy.

So, when people ask me what I do, I resist the urge to say "oh, I'm just a mom". I may not have a "real" job in the eyes of some, but I do have a job, a really important one. I may not get a paycheck, a raise or bonus or any special recognition from a boss, but there is no job on earth more important than the one I'm doing right now. Being a mom means you have the chance to shape a young life. It's only a short period of my life (even though it doesn't feel that way some days), but it is such an important period in my child's life. I am so much more than "just a mom". I'm a teacher - teaching new ideas, manners, respect,  self-esteem, how to be kind and share, how to help others - all the skills that are so important in life. I'm a spiritual advisor, a guidance counselor, and a support system. After all, there's only a small window of one's life where you are given the sole attention of another, your very own personal cheerleader - that's what a mom is - and that's what I am to Wyatt. Once the baby comes, he'll have to learn to share me, but for now, I'm all his.