Life goes on

It's been two weeks since Karen passed and the time has been a blur. Dayven selected a beautiful urn for her ashes that was hand carved from an Aspen tree by a family in Colorado Springs. Since Karen loved going to see the Aspen trees changing colors every fall in Estes Park, it seemed very fitting. We made a donation to her church and a memorial brick with her name on it will be placed in the courtyard of the church school, perfect since she was a teacher. The small "word of mouth" memorial service we planned for her in two days had roughly 150 people in attendance. Had we placed an obituary, I'm sure that number would have been even higher. The service was really lovely - a traditional Catholic mass with incense and communion. Dayven delivered a beautiful Eulogy and there weren't many dry eyes in the house. I sat in the front pew and balled "the ugly cry" as Oprah calls it. It's hard to watch someone you love in so much pain. Afterward, we had a simple reception at the church and it was nice to see so many people who cared about Karen coming to pay their respects. In addition to family and friends, there were teachers from her old school, high school friends and even her Hospice nurse and her team. The whole day was emotionally draining and we were just anxious for it to be over, especially Dayven. A group of his childhood and college buddies came into town and he joined them, along with my brother, to do the only thing he could do that night - he got drunk. Not rip-roaring, pee in your shoes drunk, but just nice happy, take the edge off buzzed. And really, who could blame him?

My parents and my brother, Josh, stayed through the weekend to be with us and help take care of Wyatt. He was climbing the walls so they took him on some outings and even visited the Denver Zoo. We were in need of a distraction too so we got out a bit and showed Josh around town and went out for Mexican food one night.

We continue to receive sympathy cards and emails each day. I'm amazed at all the people who've written and really touched by their words. I've had several people ask me about making a donation in Karen's name. If you wish to make a donation, we're asking that you help the Namaste Hospice Comfort Fund. Hospice was so wonderful all throughout Karen's illness. Her nurse, Ruth, was incredible, so kind and respectful, as was the entire staff. The comfort fund helps families who do not have insurance still receive their services.

The decision of what to do with her "stuff" was a big one. Donate it? Give it away? Sell it? Psychologically it's all a bit hard because it feels like you're erasing the last traces of her life. The task was not easy. I found myself wandering aimlessly from room to room, unable to make any real progress. I would begin packing a box, then get sidetracked and end up in another room, staring at another pile of stuff. I really don't want that tart burner so I'm going to throw it away. Wait, maybe I should donate it. Goodwill could probably sell it. But Karen liked that tart burner. Is it wrong of me to just give it away? What exactly is a tart burner, anyway? This went on for days. Karen was a fairly organized person and didn't have a lot of clutter, but it's amazing how much can still accumulate when you live somewhere for a while. It turns out even donating the stuff is a lot of work. The organizations want to know how many boxes and bags and what the contents are. Some of their pick up options were almost two weeks out and we did have to get back home eventually. In the end, we decided an estate sale was best. Just hand them the key and walk away. We packed what we felt was important and left the rest.

Dayven has already sold her car and her house goes on the market next week. We buried a St. Joseph statue in the yard so let's hope he works his magic. We're working our way through the "to do" list. We met with her attorney to help us figure out all the legal stuff. There have been endless papers to sign and countless phone calls - switching things to Dayven's name, transferring things, canceling things, forwarding things, the list goes on...

Dayven went to Colorado Springs last weekend to visit some old family friends. He went dirt motor biking in the mountains with Zeek and Randy, two friends that Karen and Chuck have known since they were young. They rode the trails up into the mountains to sprinkle some of Karen's ashes in the spot where some of Chuck's ashes had been sprinkled years before.

I'm not sure it's totally sunken in for us yet. Last night, Dayven said "I still can't believe she's really gone". Being in her house, we both felt like she was just on vacation and we were house sitting for her. I think it will probably take a while before it really sinks in. The holidays this year will be hard because it was always her favorite time of year.

We're back home now and trying to remember what our routine was. We've been back and forth to Denver so much over the past few months, it may take us a bit to get back into the swing. Wyatt and I decided to fly home. The drive was just too much for him and Dayven says we just slow him down anyway. Between a restless kid and barfing dog, the trip down was pretty rough. Each time we stopped for gas, Dayven would squeegee the vomit from the floor mat and threaten to leave Finley at the next rest stop. To say it was tense is an understatement. Thankfully, the trip home was much less eventful. Wyatt and I arrived home yesterday. With Finley was doped on sedatives to keep the nausea at bay and Dayven armed with an industrial-sized jug of Gatorade and a pile of Odwalla bars, the boys are in route to Canada now. The truck is packed to the gills and they're planning to make the 17 hour trip in one stretch.